Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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