I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
