your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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