whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
