Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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