We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
