We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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