She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
