There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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