the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can you bring me the toilet please
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
