they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's always time for handjobs
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize