I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize