First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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