guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
