I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
