Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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