I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
