how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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