she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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