I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
