that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
