How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
