found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
