i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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