We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
