then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
