My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
