my phone needs a breathalizer
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
