Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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