He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
