even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
