Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
