I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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