are you so shy because you have an std?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
