i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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