I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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