So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
