return my video game
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
