can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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