Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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