i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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