Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
