I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize