No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
