Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
