is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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