Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
