he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize