I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
