so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
