I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
