I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I understand Curling. That high.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
