You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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