I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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