Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
