you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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