Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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