Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
