She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
